It never ceases to amaze me about how stupid some people are. Especially when the answer is virtually staring them in the face.

What am I talking about? "Please tell me more?", you ask?

Basically, here's a condensed version of what went down:
Someone wrote EAR CANDY with an inquiry about writing for us. "Fine", I though to myself, "I've found some very interesting writers this way." But then he started asking about MONEY! I realized that he had NO idea what EAR CANDY was about, since there is a very easy-to-find "ABOUT" link on the very first page of the site! I wasn't in a confrontational mood at the time, so I just ignored his "money" letter, figuring that he would "get" the message. Meanwhile, the staff of EAR CANDY has many laughs at the gall and utter stupidity of this guy!

I had just about forgotten about him, when he writes back YET again! This time to ask if we pay photographers! Well, I figured that this guy just can't take a fucking hint - and not being one to suffer fools gladly, I decided to answer his inquiry with a little sarcastic tome.

Well, all hell breaks loose as you will see, as Stevo shows his true colors.

After much prompting from the staff of EAR CANDY I decided to relay the events so that you, the loyal reader, can be entertained as we were!

Plus, this page will serve a second purpose - something I can forward to perspective writers!

Anyway, sit back and enjoy the 'Stevo' saga...

Right: Click on picture of Steve to go to his website (free plug for Stevo!)

STEVE'S FIRST LETTER:

From: "Steve Janophotos"
To: earcandy_magazine@yahoo.com
Subject: Write for Ear Candy?
Date: Wed, 1 Feb 2006 14:19:07 -0500

I was searching for a publisist for Foreigner show that I'm looking to cover and found your Boston story (very entertaining in a shit for brains way). I looked at the main site and thought I'd shoot you off a note.

I write for the below publications. I am the US corespondant for Get Ready To Rock (a UK site dedicated to reviews of music). I also shoot and review for Jacksonville Luxury Living magazine and the Florida Times Union. I have shot and reviewed artists from Queen + Paul Rogers and Peter Frampton to Cyndi Lauper and just recently, Michael McDonald, Susan Tedeschi and Billy Joel. If you would like check out my work and chat about perhaps, wrting for you as well, let me know.

Thanks,

Steve Janowicz

No problem as this seems like a very reasonable request - so I send him my 'usual' reply...

MY RESPONSE:

From: EAR CANDY [mailto:earcandy_magazine@yahoo.com]
Sent: Wednesday, February 01, 2006 2:36 PM
To: Steve Janophotos
Subject: Re: Write for Ear Candy?

Steve,

Sure, always looking for new writers! What are you interested in?

Ronnie
Editor

Then comes Steve's response...

From: "Steve Janophotos"
To: "'EAR CANDY'"
Subject: RE: Write for Ear Candy?
Date: Wed, 1 Feb 2006 14:46:30 -0500

I'm kind of a classic rock guy but I have been know to do R&B and some soul as well as some current alternitive (15 year old daughter begged me :) Anyway, If you like my stuff, let me know what your remuneration policy is and how we might get started.

Thanks,

-Steve

A red flag instantly went up when I read "renumeration"! Not only has this guy no idea what we are about at EAR CANDY, he obviously hasn't even bothered to click on the very obvious "ABOUT" link on the very first page of EAR CANDY - this coming from a guy who wants to write for EAR CANDY?

At this point I don't respond to Steve, figuring if he is that dim witted, it is useless to try to explain what is obviously stated (very clearly) on the EAR CANDY website.

However, I do send a copy of all his correspondence to my various writers at EAR CANDY. The response from all my writers is pretty much IMMEDIATE! We all conspire to come up with a bogus "employment application" for EAR CANDY and send it to Steve. In fact, we have the questions all lined up and ready to go - all I've got to do is compile it into one Word document and send it to him.

But alas, life-gets-in-the-way and I'm diverted from Steve's Journalistic-whoring routine. And I actually forget about him (I'm reminded of the phrase used by Dougal Butler - "That's the thing about menials...they are so menial!")

After a short while, I get yet another letter from Steve...

From: "Steve Janophotos"
To: "'EAR CANDY'"
Subject: RE: Write for Ear Candy?
Date: Tue, 7 Feb 2006 17:17:21 -0500

I assume there is no budget for writer/photographers?

I can't believe this bozo actually has the balls to write yet again asking about money! It is at this time that I finally decide to write him back a curt, yet sarcastic letter explaining that his actions are inappropriate, while pointing out that he has made a total fool of himself by showing such blatant ignorance.

MY RESPONSE:

Tue, 7 Feb 2006 18:19:36 -0800 (PST)
From: "EAR CANDY"
Subject: RE: Write for Ear Candy?
To: "Steve Janophotos"

Stevo,

How would you prefer to be compensated?
___ Montana "Big Sky Country" Bucks
___ Enron shares
___ Nickles: ___ Wooden or ___ Plug

I would have assumed that you took even a microscopic look at the EAR CANDY site, like you said you did, if you were in fact interested in contributing in some way. Right there on the first page (http://www.earcandymag.com/) is an "ABOUT" section. (Again, let me help you: http://www.earcandymag.com/about.htm) This tells pretty much everything about EAR CANDY and I thought it covered just about everything.

(note to myself: hmmmm...I guess I'd better make the letters even LARGER! And possibly dumb down the language...)

Kudos on your keen powers of observation! Nothing gets by you huh?

Regards,

Ronnie

P.S. Thanks for giving the entire staff of EAR CANDY untold laughs and suggestions! I got enough replies from them that we almost sent you a bogus employment application (of course charging you a non-refundable processing fee!)

Steve obviously didn't see (or seem to be able to grasp) the joking tone of my letter. Then like the proverbial "mean-spirited-republicans", Stevo lashes out, spewing out a torrent of abuse - while avoiding the WHOLE point of this argument...

From: "Steve Janophotos"
To: "'EAR CANDY'"
Subject: RE: Write for Ear Candy?
Date: Wed, 8 Feb 2006 07:55:51 -0500

Well, first of all. You are an asshole! Let's get that out of the way right now. Phew, OK, I feel better! Secondly, not that I need to explain myself because Lord knows that the only thing that needs to address an asshole is toilet paper and soap but I'll make an exception in your case.

When I'm interested in having my work shared on a particular site, I send off a note and copy my assistant who then in turn follows up. I don't pretend to have the time for that and she does not crawl any particular site to learn their policies. So you see in this case you've burnt a bridge with a talented writer/photographer (if you'd read any of my reviews you would know this) by being a smart ass who is clearly so full of himself that he could send a civil reply. A simple "Sorry, we have writers that are independently wealthy" would have accomplished getting the message across and I may have sent over some content anyway. In closing, I wish you luck and perhaps take a business class or two. As much as you pretend the music industry is not a business, it sad but true and your approach might get you part of the way and provide a few laughs but when you're eighty in a rocking chair, your children may inherit your scruples but not much more.

Cheers Rono!

The first thing I notice is that he is so unoriginal in his 'comeback' that he resorts to adding an 'o' onto my name, just like I did to his! Then I notice how he totally avoids the original point of my letter: that he did something stupid and was called on it. Then the blathering torrent of name-calling insues.

Again, I try and bring the argument back around to the original point and asking him to own-up to what he did...

MY RESPONSE:

Wed, 8 Feb 2006 05:35:48 -0800 (PST)
From: "EAR CANDY" Add to Address Book Add Mobile Alert
Subject: RE: Write for Ear Candy? (i.e. Stevo gets his knickers in a twist!)
To: "Steve Janophotos"

Thanks for livening my day, got a real chuckle out of your clueless reply. From your acerbic whining, I see you STILL haven't read the "ABOUT" section! Nope, we are not, and never will be...a "business". So why on earth would I want to take a useless business class? Further, I can be as smart-assed as I want because I especially enjoy pissing off menial, clueless wannabees like yourself who love to brag about their "talent".

Yeah, it's easy to blame it all on your "assistant". I'm sure this assistant is too busy jacking you off to actually do her (or his, don't know your preference) job.

You still haven't addressed the real issue: Why you would seek to "work" for somebody without having the slightest, microscopic clue how they run things?

Ha ha, I can see Stevo going to the main offices of "Rolling Stone"...

Executive: Mr. Janophotos, what do you know about our magazine?
Steve: How much does it pay?

Executive: Errr, Mr. Janophotos, don't you think you are being a bit premature? I ask again, what is it about our magazine that makes you want to work for us?
Steve: Do you get an expense account?

Executive: Sir! Have you even bothered to READ a single issue?
Steve: Do I get my own office? And a perky little boy-secretary?

All in all Sterno, we'd like to thank you for giving us a new story for EAR CANDY! Do you have a photo of you and your "assistant" that we can use for the said article?

Toodles,

Ronnie

P.S. You now have my permission to reply with a torrent of name-calling, insults, etc.

Now the violins start as Steve tearfully informs me that it is my civic DUTY to pay him to feed his family. Hmmm...I guess I'd better check with the government about getting a grant to start the "EAR CANDY EMPLOYMENT COMMISSION"?

From: "Steve Janophotos"
To: "'EAR CANDY'"
Subject: RE: wrong again! (but thanks for playing our game!)
Date: Wed, 8 Feb 2006 09:23:52 -0500

It's your reply for those of us who would like to be compensated to the long hours of work that I took issue with. Why is it that some people can't understand that money does not corrupt everybody. Just because a person gets paid for their work does not automatically mean they are a "Yes Man". I don't work for Rolling Stone. I'm independent but I have to feed my family but to you that means the work must not be pure.

Please make sure you spell my name right.

Good luck man,

Steve

Also notice how Steve pretty much gives me permission to reprint the argument on EAR CANDY!

So far I have forwarded this rather humorous correspondence to many of my other writers at EAR CANDY. I then decide to forward some of their responses to Steve...

MY RESPONSE:

Wed, 8 Feb 2006 07:54:43 -0800 (PST)
From: "EAR CANDY"
Subject: the reviews are in! STEVE'S A HIT!
To: "Steve Janophotos"

Steve,

It looks like you are a hit!

Been sending copies of your rants to some of our writers and here are the preliminary reviews:

DJ Ivan writes:
Classic. This guy is too much. I don't know where to begin. A "professional" applying for a job finds out about the company he is interviewing for. He DOES NOT pawn it off on his "assistant" and then cry foul when the "assistant" drops the ball. Perhaps taking a business class or two would clue him into this this very basic concept. Furthermore, if this guy was so talented he would have attached a copy of some his more brilliant articles to his "appilcation". A potential employer expects references and/or a portfolio of the applicants work. This is something else one can learn in an business class or two.

What is really going on here is that Stevo was using the blunderbuss approach (ie., "throwing sh@t against the wall and seeing what sticks" approach). Stevo needed work, applied to every single magazine (hoping the law of averages would play in his favor) out there without doing his homework and was caught with his pants down. The importance of being prepared is yet another skill a business class or two could help him with

Burning bridges? Ear Candy has existed for 5+ without such a "talented" writer and will continue to do fine without him. Even if The great and powerful Stevo was to wave his magic wand and destroy Ear Candy nobody is losing their mortgage over this.

Finally: Fanzines have been a vital source in exposing new bands since the late 1970's. Whether professionals such as Stevo would like to admit it or not, fanzines with unpaid staff (examples: "Maxium Rock and Roll", "Punk Planet" and yes Ear candy), have played a vital role in exposing artists that "professional" rock and roll publications are too lazy or cluess to cover.

E.S. writes:
BAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!!

The guy is a first class idiot. "Assistant"? Give me a break! Well, maybe if he's a split personality! My suggestion is to take the entire sordid story and put it on Ear Candy. Put a link on the ABOUT page. "These are our contributors guidelines, and here's what happened to someone who neglected to read them."

I've been writing off and on for a helicopter magazine, and I've been looking into other aviation publications. By no taking the time to check the Ear Candy site for writers, or contributors guidelines just shows that he is definitely NOT a professional in any sense of the word. Checking that stuff is pretty fundamental for any writer. I get the feeling he's over selling you on his previous "work".

At this point I decide to just post the whole thing on the EAR CANDY site. I mean - why should I deprive the rest of our readers the drama and humor that Steve delivers? It's definitely one of those cases of "truth being stranger than fiction!".

One of my other regular writers, Bill Vordenbaum, even wrote a whose essay - in which he analyzes Steve's actual website and comes away with some suprising insight. For Bill's essay Click here

So there you have it...a small sample of some of the unbalanced, clueless individuals that write us at EAR CANDY. I'm sure there will be much more to come, so stay tuned...